you can't carry a note, so be quite

can you believe it's been this long (THISLONG) since i've posted? i find it hard to believe (as i'm sure you are thinking the same) that i haven't come across something that is as mind blowing as the elevator issues, or the naughty lyrics in kelly clarkson's songs until now.

which by the way, let me tell you, the o.p.p blog has been my most popular blog to date. i guess the blog was a topic of conversation over at kelly's message board The Express (shout out to them for being so kind). that girl has some hard core fans out there. i want to let you guys in on a little secret... while i don't have the time now i am going to, most definitely, revisit her not so recent stint as "heavy metal goddess" at the metal skool concert. so keep checking back for that.

moving on to the real issue at hand... have you ever been to a show and was greatly disappointed in the "fans" who felt the need to sing during a slow or accappella song? i'm not talking about big arena's where singing along is encouraged. i've been to a dashboard confessional show, i know the drill; i'm talking about small venues. you know, the kind of venues where everyone is packed in so tightly you would assume that the entire place is on some kind of collective date? it is incredibly annoying when you go to see a performer and the "so you think you can sing" contestant behind ya is singing along right in your ear. wow i was unaware that it was open mike night tonight.

recently at an imogen heap concert @ the showbox in seattle i had an experience that i wish in the future could be avoided. i know it can't be avoided - that would require complete intelligence in the entire human race and well, that's just not possible is it? in the middle of imogen's most beautiful song, "hide and seek," some snaggletooth behind me decides - along with her boyfriend of equal or lesser intelligence (and equal or lesser fashion sense) - that she is going to sing along. have you ever heard the song "hide and seek?" it's a powerful song sung in a way that only imogen can sing. and if you've ever been to an imogen show the woman has mad crazy skills. she does all these things to get just the right sound. so when "the female version of william hung" starts chimin' in behind me, i felt embarrassed - FOR HER.

in my head the following happened:

i turn to the girl behind me. i notice her god awful outfit, but decide that her fashion sense is a topic better left alone.

"who sings this song?" i ask as if i genuinely don't know.

she stares at me blankly. reluctantly she says,

"she does?" she points to the girl on the stage.

"you mean imogen does?" i say sarcastically.

she's confused. obviously. "yeah?"

"then perhaps we should keep it that way huh?" and i poke her in the eye. no, i would never do that. i'm a peace keeper.

in reality? i cupped my hand over my right ear praying she would get the hint. she didn't. she got louder. serves me right for assuming that anna nicole would be smart enough to figure out a simple gesture. most people are educated on the significance of the middle finger so i figured that me covering my ear was enough of an indication that i did not want to hear her. i was wrong. (it's been known to happen... once or twice)

the moral and i do have one:

1) do not talk to others during the songs. if you must have a conversation, whisper in their ear and try to do it between songs. if you are afraid your breath stanks which leaves you no other choice than to talk to them from 2 feet away carry a stick of gum at all times. you may think it's a perfect time in the song to strike up a conversation but someone else might not think the same thing.

2) do not, under any circumstances, sing along unless otherwise asked by the artist. ESPECIALLY in a small venue. and, if someone turns around and looks at you it doesn't mean they think you're amazing it means, "shut the hell up!"

3) if you are taking pictures and you forget to turn off the shutter sound on your cell phone cam which causes the entirety of the crowd around you to turn their heads don't start giggling uncontrollably and then proceed for the next 2 and a half minutes of the song mimicking the sound.

thank you for your consideration. now enjoy the show!