when whitney wasn't bobby brown's bitch!

I never saw Katharine McPhee on American Idol. After the second season I realized they were never going to find someone like Kelly Clarkson so I stopped watching.

Reviewing this album was an experience much like that of a blind date. I knew of her, but knew nothing about what she would be like at the dinner table. Thank goodness she turned out to have exceptional manners.McPhee is all the good things about Christina Aguilera only devoid of the unimpressive vocal pole vaulting that has surprisingly made her a star. She’s pre-breakdown Mariah Carey (even pre-pre breakdown), and the soulful Toni Braxton before bankrupsy. Songs like “Neglected,” track 11, immediately reminded me of Braxton’s hit, “Unbreak My Heart.” It was all reminiscent of when Mariah was Mariah and when Whitney wasn’t Bobby Brown’s bitch.

It’s a bit of a surprise that the majority of the tracks were produced by Nate “Danja” Hills who is the protégé and sometimes partner of one Mr. Timbaland. Hill has produced the likes of The Game, Black Eyed Peas, Jennifer Lopez, Notorious B.I.G, co-produced much of the FutureSex/LoveSongs album for Justin Timberlake, as well as a few tracks with the newly redefined Nelly Furtado. But it’s no wonder why this album works for today’s market. Not to mention, there isn’t a single fluffer on the album.

The only real issue then is whether or not people can get over the fact that she’s from American Idol. Hopefully this album will get people to say, “I want to listen to Katharine McPhee,” and not feel like they are doing something shameful.

It was well worth the $10 I didn’t spend. Okay so I downloaded it. What I can say? Was I really going to spend money on some broad I’d never heard before? But all of you out there should spend the money; it’s definitely worth it!!!

maroon 5 meets fall out boy - Infinity on High

i've been listening to the new record from fall out boy titled infinity on high. (i managed to find a sneak peak leak) and boy oh boy do i want to hate it. i found myself listening, tapping my foot, and bobbing my head but then when i realized i was doing it--i was enjoying myself--i snapped myself out of it.

'you can't enjoy this.'

after reading the "in depth" interview of the boys in this months Alternative Press it was completely evident; they DO NOT deserve their fame. in fact, i wanted to punch pete wentz in his overly exposed, shamefully mediocre penis until he cried for his mommy. but then again when you have women going on shopping sprees and then begging people online to pay her bills--and succeeding--i can't blame pete wentz for leaking pictures of his 'bits and bobs' for a little bit (pun intended) of exposure. i guess both in their own way are genius.

the album is different (and slightly christian???) and not always should an album being different equal goodness but i have to say i feel like it's enough of a stretch for the boys without being too far from who/what they claim they are. it's basically maroon 5 meets FOB. and with a menagerie of choir chanting and strong plucking guitar style...you can't deny it's catchy. you can't deny that it sounds good. and while i wanted to hate it... i don't hate it. i actually like the album and yet i hate that i like it. oh well. so much for taste huh? at least i can laugh at my own bad taste.

drivin' miss daisy circa 2006

drivers who try to drive while using a cell phone. this blog is for you!

for those of you who drive--or more specifically who can't drive--while on your cell phones i pose this question: is there some sort of disconnect between your feet and your mouth? seriously. why is it when you're talking on the phone you are completely incapable of driving at the speed limit. hell, i'm not asking you to drive at mock speeds, i'm not even asking you to drive slightly above the speed limit, i'm merely suggesting you go the appropriate speed limit for the appropriate surroundings.

this morning a gentleman driving a royal blue chevy malibu (no, not the vintage 1970's model, but the modernized "why the hell would they bring it back and change the entire make-up of the car" X-Files model) was so busy chattin' on his pre-paid cell phone that my speedometer actually read 35mph on the I-405 freeway. with NOBODY in front of him.

when i honked to indicate, "hi there sir. you are not the only one on this particular road this morning so can you please move it along..." not so much as a flinch. he kept on keepin' on. drivin' like it was a sunday on the back roads of arkansas. there was a part of me that wanted to throw my cracker peanut at him - but, this fatty was not about to waste a perfectly good peanut. please. what's sense is there in that?

the thing that really gets me though is parking while on the phone. in a huge car. in a compact spot. you've got drivin' miss daisy parking the continental in a dodge neon size spot and taking his sweet time maneuvering a 12 point turn. it makes standing in line at the dmv (and we all know that misery don't we) look less painful that a bikini wax.

what's worse? hands free. do i need to break out the webster? HANDS. FREE. free of hands, no hands, no need for hands. why on earth are you holding that little wire up next to your mouth. the thing is made so that you don't have to a) hold it near your lips and b) scream.

while you're looking up the words hands free in the dictionary you might want to try your luck at looking up the word selfish.

thats all. we return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

spf 55 - anyone have aloe vera?

i asked what could be better than kelly clarkson toilet papering amy lee's house? i told you we should stay awhile and bask in the glory...

glory gave me a sunburn!

the house wasn't even amy's!

apparently the whole thing was a hoax.

whatever.

this sucks.

the next thing ya know they'll be tellin' us that kelly was only pretending to be drunk at the metal skool show... or better yet that it wasn't even her!

kelly does amy lee... er i mean, amy lee's house.

oops she did it again. and no i'm not talking about britney's snatch.

i'm talking about none other than america's sweetheart - ms. kelly clarkson. it seems clarkson is racking up quite the rep as becoming america's new wild child. or is she?

there i was last night all set to write a full page on kelly clarkson's stint as "heavy metal goddess" when what do my wandering eyes discover but a video on youtube.com. and not just any video; this video is like a checklist from the movie porky's: toilet paper, kelly clarkson, vandalism, kelly clarkson, breakin' stuff, kelly clarkson, porn stars, kelly clarkson and THE porn star of them all RON JEREMY!

what is this girl doing to me? she's making my job too easy! and while i told myself i would never let this blog turn into another lame attempt at Pink is the New Blog, i just couldn't stay away from this story.

nrg studios. there have been whispers that it's a wild and crazy place. often times it's filled with nekkid people and at any given time you might find yourself staring at a one eye snake by accident. it's kind of like a frat house only with less football players! and the beer on tap isn't pabst blue ribbon or rolling rock.

but did we know that the studio could turn our most beloved pop princess into a vandalism virtuoso? i mean, not only did she toilet paper someone's house... but that someone just happens to be amy lee from the famous band evanescense. (this is where i use my descretion so i won't say how f'in hilarious it was... oh wait, i think i just said it. i'm horrible at keeping my aprobation to myself.) seriously folks, what could be better than kelly f'in clarkson toilet papering amy lee's house? what? there's no going forward from here. let's just stay awhile and bask in the glory shall we?

ok, ok, i get it, i get it... you were being a good friend. *insert sarcasm here* but didja havta throw an entire bag in the middle of her lawn?

word of advice to ms. clarkson. continue just as you are honey. because no matter what you do, whether it be drinking whiskey on stage at a metal skool show, or toilet papering amy lee's house you still have the chops to sing 'em all out of the water and that's all that matters.

although, if i find myself having to write a piece about your snatch i will most definitely hunt you down and smack you - and not in a good way!

you can't carry a note, so be quite

can you believe it's been this long (THISLONG) since i've posted? i find it hard to believe (as i'm sure you are thinking the same) that i haven't come across something that is as mind blowing as the elevator issues, or the naughty lyrics in kelly clarkson's songs until now.

which by the way, let me tell you, the o.p.p blog has been my most popular blog to date. i guess the blog was a topic of conversation over at kelly's message board The Express (shout out to them for being so kind). that girl has some hard core fans out there. i want to let you guys in on a little secret... while i don't have the time now i am going to, most definitely, revisit her not so recent stint as "heavy metal goddess" at the metal skool concert. so keep checking back for that.

moving on to the real issue at hand... have you ever been to a show and was greatly disappointed in the "fans" who felt the need to sing during a slow or accappella song? i'm not talking about big arena's where singing along is encouraged. i've been to a dashboard confessional show, i know the drill; i'm talking about small venues. you know, the kind of venues where everyone is packed in so tightly you would assume that the entire place is on some kind of collective date? it is incredibly annoying when you go to see a performer and the "so you think you can sing" contestant behind ya is singing along right in your ear. wow i was unaware that it was open mike night tonight.

recently at an imogen heap concert @ the showbox in seattle i had an experience that i wish in the future could be avoided. i know it can't be avoided - that would require complete intelligence in the entire human race and well, that's just not possible is it? in the middle of imogen's most beautiful song, "hide and seek," some snaggletooth behind me decides - along with her boyfriend of equal or lesser intelligence (and equal or lesser fashion sense) - that she is going to sing along. have you ever heard the song "hide and seek?" it's a powerful song sung in a way that only imogen can sing. and if you've ever been to an imogen show the woman has mad crazy skills. she does all these things to get just the right sound. so when "the female version of william hung" starts chimin' in behind me, i felt embarrassed - FOR HER.

in my head the following happened:

i turn to the girl behind me. i notice her god awful outfit, but decide that her fashion sense is a topic better left alone.

"who sings this song?" i ask as if i genuinely don't know.

she stares at me blankly. reluctantly she says,

"she does?" she points to the girl on the stage.

"you mean imogen does?" i say sarcastically.

she's confused. obviously. "yeah?"

"then perhaps we should keep it that way huh?" and i poke her in the eye. no, i would never do that. i'm a peace keeper.

in reality? i cupped my hand over my right ear praying she would get the hint. she didn't. she got louder. serves me right for assuming that anna nicole would be smart enough to figure out a simple gesture. most people are educated on the significance of the middle finger so i figured that me covering my ear was enough of an indication that i did not want to hear her. i was wrong. (it's been known to happen... once or twice)

the moral and i do have one:

1) do not talk to others during the songs. if you must have a conversation, whisper in their ear and try to do it between songs. if you are afraid your breath stanks which leaves you no other choice than to talk to them from 2 feet away carry a stick of gum at all times. you may think it's a perfect time in the song to strike up a conversation but someone else might not think the same thing.

2) do not, under any circumstances, sing along unless otherwise asked by the artist. ESPECIALLY in a small venue. and, if someone turns around and looks at you it doesn't mean they think you're amazing it means, "shut the hell up!"

3) if you are taking pictures and you forget to turn off the shutter sound on your cell phone cam which causes the entirety of the crowd around you to turn their heads don't start giggling uncontrollably and then proceed for the next 2 and a half minutes of the song mimicking the sound.

thank you for your consideration. now enjoy the show!

keebler elves aren't in the kitchen making cookies anymore...

there have been reports recently of the keebler elves hangin' with snap, crackle and pop in elevators shafts. what are they doing there? making your elevators move a little bit faster!

i know i've imagined small men in elevator shafts sending messages to one another, "alright folks, someone pushed the button on the parking level 1, let's move it." but hello that was in my youth – i can't imagine that in reality pushing that button for the 2nd or 3rd time is going to make the elevator get to your floor any faster. it's computer generated, there are no little men in there!

i just can't get off of this elevator "thing." tell me, does being stuck in a little box (or the apprehension of being in a little box) cause a person to completely lose all intelligence?

why do people push the up/down button when it's already lit up??? can you not see 5 people standing there? did you not see me push it just 5 seconds before? yesterday a man went LITERALLY right behind me and pushed the button after i did. i had to stop myself from a diva style outburst. um, dude, i just pushed the button and i'm pretty sure elevators aren't biased – it recognized that i pushed the button there's no need to do it again. it's illuminated isn't it?

while we're on the subject of button pushing – crosswalks? how many times have you walked up to a crosswalk and people are standing there waiting to cross the street? probably more times than not right. then why must you push the button again? do you think those people standing there are sun-bathing? do you think they are taking a survey on how many blue cars go through the intersection – NO! they are crossing the street just like you! and i'm almost positive they've already pushed the damn button.

i've determined y'all - and when i say y'all i mean YOU the button pushers - are control freaks. you have to be able to say, in your head, "I pushed that button. I made the change happen." well, get over yourself! relax! have faith that if we're standing there, if the button is lit up, if you've just witnessed me push the button... it's all good you don't have to do a damn thing!

i wish i were a buddhist nun...but wait does that mean?

i wish i were a buddhist nun, but wait, does that mean i can't drink?

job hunting sux. in the past week i've sent out 12 resumes & 13 cover letters. you'd think a high number would produce a high response. you.would.think. but no, i've gotten two responses: one from a scam artist - if you can't tell me what your company's name is, or the type of "orders" i'd be processing then i'm not sure i'm ready to be on an episode of america's most wanted for you. next thing ya know i'll be driving an armored truck filled with stolen tv's. "i'm sorry officer, i didn't know those were in there i was just told to process the order." i want to be on television, but that's a little excessive. right? well....maybe... no, you're right; it's wrong.

the second response was from a guy who said i'd be fielding incoming calls for his business from my home. there would be no cold calling, and a lot of the interaction would done through email. um.... how fishy is it? as fishy as pike place market during high season on a 90 degree day (yes we have 90 degree days in seattle)! budumpbum. oh, and not to mention that particular job was commission only. huh? if you could see me right now i'd have a cocked head and a wrinkled brow.

seriously though, all kidding aside, how on earth is a person suppose to get a job these days? my friend RH, showed me his resume so then of course i had to show him mine! and being the oh so fantastic friend that he is, "made-over" my resume. in 2 hours flat i was managing all sorts of departments and i had all these fancy titles. but can ya sell that? *sigh* *tail between my legs* no, i don't think ya can.

i'm in the mortgage biz (yeah, it's not that glamourous trust me). i work for a lender which means we supply you with the money. i've been here for 3.5 years and i'm SOOOO ready to leave it all behind. i want to start doing something a bit more – who am i kidding, at this point i'd settle for a bit less. even with the latter option i can't get hired for nuthin'. what's with that? i'm successful, i'm knowledgeable, i'm experienced, but i can't even get hired to answer a damn phone. it's not about the money. i'm willin' to drop a few g's if you're willin' to give me a chance, but shit i can't even get a chance. i just want to pack it all up and become a buddhist nun at this point. couldn't you just see it? Ohmmmm.... Ohhhmmmmmm.... shave my head and adorn a mustard colored robe? perched a top a mountain eating a grain of rice a day? well, maybe not that part. but the whole barefoot walking meditation has me pretty enticed.

seriously, do i need to have a PHD in pacbell phone systems to answer your phone? do i need to know the different between oak, and cherry wood so that i can be the front desk operator? COME ON PEOPLE – hire my ass, i promise it'll be worth your while. *gulp* that sounded wrong...

maybe i'll just pretend to be a manager and see where that gets me.